Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Basketball Edition!

We are six episodes deep into season nine of the #RealHousewivesOfBeverlyHills, and all anyone can talk about is this damn dog Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. The drama surrounding the pup carries right into March, so the only way we can properly explain it all is a great big basketball analogy.

lisavanderpump,lisa vanderpump

Let’s start right at the top, every good team or reality show for that matter starts with a point guard. The one that’s going to make the power plays and control what’s about to go down.

You may have already guessed it, but in our world of the real housewives – that is Lisa Vanderpump. Contrary to LVP fans, she is behind every major play in Beverly hills history. BELOW ARE THE RECEIPTS:

Receipt #1: Encouraging Camille Grammer to bring up Taylor’s abuse by her husband.

Receipt #2: LVP convincing Brandi Glanville to bring tabloids that had a story of Mauricio cheating on Kyle. All so the conversation could be brought up on their trip to Mexico! What kind of FRIEND does that??

Receipt #3: And third, Lisa Vanderpump dropping the bomb and implying to Lisa Rinna that Yolanda Hadid might have munchausen (a term for people who are basically faking their illness). Of course Rinna wasn’t innocent in this either, but LVP was the one to make the major power play.

lisarinna,lisa rinna, lisa vanderpump

I know you are all quick to defend Lisa, just like Kyle and Dorit were at the start of the season nine. But one too many shady plays by Lisa, and now the entire team is looking at their point guard and calling her ish.

kylerichards,kyle richards, mauricio umansky

Let’s turn our attention to the shooting guard – Kyle Richards. Kyle has been on Lisa’s side for majority of this franchise, and we love their friendship. Trust me, we are still rooting for some sort of reunion between these two. But throughout the seasons, Kyle has tried to score points for the team all while defending Lisa’s power plays. One too many bad passes, and the backfiring of this Lucy apple juice story, and Kyle can no longer defend her point guard. Kyle is one of the OG housewives, and I can’t picture this franchise going on without the Lisa-Kyle friendship. Maybe a trade talk is in the works for Kyle…or maybe Bravo will give her her own show?

gif-ball-dorit

Let’s move over to the other position close to Lisa. And that’s the small forward – Dorit Kemsley. Really Dorit is perfect for this position, not only is she physically close to Lisa, she’s also one of Lisa’s closest friends because of their husbands friendship. But that didn’t stop Lisa from using Dorit as part of her Vanderpump Dogs play. Next season, I want to see Dorit less dependent on LVP. Housewives analysts are predicting a big clash in chemistry between Dorit and her point guard. One thing going for Dorit is she’s in a great position to pick off any rebound attention from the power forward….Erika Jayne.

erikajayne, erika jayne, erika gerardi

Erika Jayne is the perfect power forward. In all of this doggy mess, she has positioned herself with her back towards the basket…watching clearly the moves her point guard Lisa intends to make. Erika is never directly involved in any drama around the basket…but she has the position to see it all, and she’s always there to pick off any rebounds or casualties that Lisa leaves in her way.

gif-ball-teddi

In the center of all the dog drama is Teddi Mellencamp. Newly acquired to the Beverly Hills franchise in season eight, she got along great with her point guard Lisa…mostly over their common love for horse riding. But at the beginning of season nine, LVP tries to make a BIG powerplay against Dorit with Teddi at the middle of it.. Lisa takes the 3-point shot with the initial mention of Dorit dumping the dog off at the shelter and tells Teddi to swoop in and pick off the game winning rebound for her by asking about the dog on camera. Teddi is about to jump for it but realizes Lisa’s shot was a complete SET UP! At the expense of exposing herself, Teddi comes forward with LVP’s shady game plan and shocks the Beverly Hills team to the core. Everyone on the court is left looking at LVP who just ran back into the locker room to look over her game notes with Ken.

gif-ball-lisa-denise

Honourable mentions go to Lisa Rinna playing as the coach, because Rinna pretty much saw this LVP play coming. She knew what kind of player Lisa Vaderpump from experience, and spends most of the episodes telling everyone else what to look out for.

Also, Denise Richards as the referee who just wants to get along with everyone and have a good time at Camille’s birthday party.

Overall, the Beverly Hills team is a strong one, they’re just going through a rough time right now while they deal with some on/off court drama.

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