The People V. OJ: A Brentwood Hello

If you’re wondering what it’s like to be grinded on by O.J Simpson and Ross Gellar Robert Kardashian at the same time, just watch the first 30 seconds of this week’s American Crime Story. Like really, how friggin’ creepy was that shot? More importantly, why wasn’t Kris Jenner in da club?

Let’s get right into the episode, because everyone was a little off this week, and nobody does a little off better than Connie Britton in a Ryan Murphy show.

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Faye Resnick (Connie Britton)

If you don’t know who Faye Resnick is, it’s because you’re a good person and could care less about the 90s. Faye Resnick was Nicole’s best friend, or ‘best friend’ because I feel like any friendship in that Hollywood circle deserves air quotes. In the midst of her ‘best friend’ being stabbed to death, she decides to write a ‘tell-all’ book about her friendship with Nicole, so that women all around the world can put a stop to domestic violence. Fine girl do your thing. Most of the episode has Connie conversing with her ghost writers about things Nicole told her in privacy, but again ‘privacy’ could use air quotes as well. After the book was published, Faye did a publicized interview with Larry King, so the episode recreates that interview, and basically this is all important information because it’s effecting the trial and the process of jury selection. Also, according to Faye, Nicole had this thing, called a ‘Brentwood Hello’. I’m gonna let you watch the rest of the episode to figure out what that was.

Bob Shapiro

Bob Shapiro came crumbling down in this episode when his lead attorney position is replaced by newly acquired attorney Johnny Cochran. One of the best scenes of the season is when Johnny and Robert are discussing the case with O.J and the timeline of that night and how it looks like he couldn’t have killed her. O.J is all excited, like ‘yeah I totally didn’t even kill her though’ and then Bob Shapiro storms in, and before anyone could even say anything he’s like we need to make a plea deal, call it manslaughter, and basically spews an entire story (which kind’ve sounds like what really went down). And Robert and Johnny are just sitting there like WTF?, and that was probably the end for Bob Shapiro. But John Travolta has done an AMAZING job playing him.

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Is playing a larger role as the season progresses. Johnny and whoever Nathan Lane is supposed to be seem to be the only ones that are brave enough to stand up to Shapiro. So just seeing the dynamic between Cochran and Shapiro is really entertaining. There are way too many cooks in the kitchen, and that’s exactly what Marcia was talking about.

Marcia Clark

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Is still our heroine and how funny is she with her drawer of liquor? They’re obviously trying to make us feel some type of way about her, because she was so hated in the media, it’s like they really want us to see who she really was. And I think Sarah Paulson is doing a badass job with this role. Hello side eye at the end? How awesome? But honestly, the only moment of this season where I was like oh girl bad move, is when they’re choosing the jury and Marcia’s all like’ I believe in the world, I believe in these people, they will make the right decision’ well guess what girl, they didn’t. And so you can see her desperate need to believe in the system and the people is just going to fu** her in the end. Also, the focus groups rated her a four compared to the defense side that scored no less than eight. They wanted her to change out of her power suits into a more feminine look, they wanted her to change her hair, they wanted her to smile more. It’s like hello? Who’s the one on trial here?

Robert Kardashian

ACS_robIs going last in this post because he seems to have a really basic role right now. It seems like he’s just more of a friend who happens to be a lawyer, than an actual lawyer. He never really gives legal advice, he’s just there to steer O.J in the right direction. But whatever, cool. He seems to think he knows Nicole, when they were reading Faye’s naughty book, he’s all like ‘Nicole would never do that, or that, or thaaaat’ (Imagine it in the Ross Gellar voice) Annoying right? Like obviously Robert you weren’t the best judge of character because hello – Kris Jenner.

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The best part of the episode happens in the final 30 seconds with both sides entering the court room and Above the Law’s Superman is offering the biggest slice of irony. But that’s not even the shocker. The biggest shocker is the new addition to the prosecution team that catches the attention of Johnny Cochran and O.J Simpson. This warrants the greatest side eye/wink of all time.

Don’t miss an all new episode of American Crime Story: The People Vs O.J Simpson next week Tuesday on FX.

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The People V. O.J: I Literally Can’t Even

“I literally did not realize he was a lawyer” and “You can’t put the genie back in the bottle” were just some of the great lines from this week’s episode of American Crime Story: The People V. O.J Simpson. I honestly can’t tell if the show is getting better by the episodes or am I getting used to the amount of cheesy expositional writing that is happening right now.

Johnny Cochran

This episode was all about the dream team convincing Johnny Cochran to get on board with the O.J case. “Behind every good man is a great woman” (I’m surprised they didn’t use this line in the episode) But seriously, it only took 30 seconds for Johnny’s wife to basically convince him to take the O.J case. And then they called him up and O.J put on a great performance so obviously he couldn’t say no.

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Robert Kardashian

Let’s not forget that it is Father’s Day in our American Crime Story world. And like any other Kardashian episode (let’s be real this is basically a Kardashian spin off at this point) the gang, including Robert Jr head to the most popular joint in Beverly Hills. Dressed up in their Sunday best, Kourtney, Kim, Khloe and Rob start turning up because they just cut the line at La Scala’s and their new dad is Bruce Jenner. While dad Robert is spewing ironic Gandi-esque lines to his children, baby Khloe wonders what she’s even doing there, and if her dad might be O.J (via Robert/Bruce + Caitlin). Also, monotone Kourtney points out that O.J is her godfather. Let’s all remember that people, because that little tid bit of information is sure to be monumental later on. If that last bit wasn’t sarcastic enough for you, La Scala’s is also serving up a big plate of irony in the words of the late Robert Kardashian. Here are some of the great pieces of advice he imparts onto his children. “We are Kardashians and being a loyal friend is more important than being famous” (Um Paris Hilton would have to disagree) “Fame is fleeting, it’s hollow, it means nothing without a virtuous heart” (Robert Jr could probably agree with his father on that)

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But wait, things get better in a few minutes. Also, if you’re wondering why we aren’t talking about the actual O.J case, it’s because it’s hidden under 500 layers of Kardashian dialogue. Don’t think we forgot about Kris Jenner. Girl can’t have her kids all over the episode without showing her face. And I have to say, Selma Blair, you’ve been MIA for 10 years but you came back with the best role ever. I’m still serving sarcasm here. Robert shows up in a hot pink salmon golf shirt, and his ex-wife greets him at the door. I’m sorry, does everyone in Beverly Hills/Calabasas wear a power suit with dangling pearls around the house? What am  I saying, it’s Kris Jenner slash Selma Blair, duh. Kris Jenner delivers the most ironic line of the night, telling Robert that O.J probably killed Nicole, Robert reminding Kris he’s the uncle/Godfather of monotone Kourtney, and Kris replies “He’s a fake uncle, everything about him is pretend” Girl, bye.

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Sarah Paulson has to be my favourite character right now. Her performance is the best, which isn’t saying much because everyone else sucks. She’s obviously the only one with a brain at the DA’s office, seems like everyone else is so sure they’re going to win the case, and Marcia’s over there in her office smoking on a cig reminding everyone she’s a woman and she has insight like nobody else! Duh! But seriously, she puts in work and is totally shell shocked when she realizes O.J’s lawyers are going to make the case all about race. Slowly her evidence, like Nicole’s 911 call gets released to the media, making it inadmissible in court. Are you all still following? Is this intriguing at all? Are you currently googling – kris jenner power suit where to find?. If you are, I don’t blame you. Sarah Paulson delivers the final line of the episode, when she reads the morning paper that headlines Johnny Cochran joining O.J’s legal team. “Motherfucker” she blurts out right before putting out her cigarette.

Bob Shapiro

The biggest slime ball of all. He basically initiates the entire ‘race case’ theme by writing an article in The New Yorker.

O.J Simpson

Cuba Gooding Jr appeared towards the end of the episode, and delivered a pretty crazy performance of admitting his innocence to Johnny.

What did you think of the episode? Join the discussion or Tweet us your comments!

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