Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Basketball Edition!

We are six episodes deep into season nine of the #RealHousewivesOfBeverlyHills, and all anyone can talk about is this damn dog Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. The drama surrounding the pup carries right into March, so the only way we can properly explain it all is a great big basketball analogy.

lisavanderpump,lisa vanderpump

Let’s start right at the top, every good team or reality show for that matter starts with a point guard. The one that’s going to make the power plays and control what’s about to go down.

You may have already guessed it, but in our world of the real housewives – that is Lisa Vanderpump. Contrary to LVP fans, she is behind every major play in Beverly hills history. BELOW ARE THE RECEIPTS:

Receipt #1: Encouraging Camille Grammer to bring up Taylor’s abuse by her husband.

Receipt #2: LVP convincing Brandi Glanville to bring tabloids that had a story of Mauricio cheating on Kyle. All so the conversation could be brought up on their trip to Mexico! What kind of FRIEND does that??

Receipt #3: And third, Lisa Vanderpump dropping the bomb and implying to Lisa Rinna that Yolanda Hadid might have munchausen (a term for people who are basically faking their illness). Of course Rinna wasn’t innocent in this either, but LVP was the one to make the major power play.

lisarinna,lisa rinna, lisa vanderpump

I know you are all quick to defend Lisa, just like Kyle and Dorit were at the start of the season nine. But one too many shady plays by Lisa, and now the entire team is looking at their point guard and calling her ish.

kylerichards,kyle richards, mauricio umansky

Let’s turn our attention to the shooting guard – Kyle Richards. Kyle has been on Lisa’s side for majority of this franchise, and we love their friendship. Trust me, we are still rooting for some sort of reunion between these two. But throughout the seasons, Kyle has tried to score points for the team all while defending Lisa’s power plays. One too many bad passes, and the backfiring of this Lucy apple juice story, and Kyle can no longer defend her point guard. Kyle is one of the OG housewives, and I can’t picture this franchise going on without the Lisa-Kyle friendship. Maybe a trade talk is in the works for Kyle…or maybe Bravo will give her her own show?

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Let’s move over to the other position close to Lisa. And that’s the small forward – Dorit Kemsley. Really Dorit is perfect for this position, not only is she physically close to Lisa, she’s also one of Lisa’s closest friends because of their husbands friendship. But that didn’t stop Lisa from using Dorit as part of her Vanderpump Dogs play. Next season, I want to see Dorit less dependent on LVP. Housewives analysts are predicting a big clash in chemistry between Dorit and her point guard. One thing going for Dorit is she’s in a great position to pick off any rebound attention from the power forward….Erika Jayne.

erikajayne, erika jayne, erika gerardi

Erika Jayne is the perfect power forward. In all of this doggy mess, she has positioned herself with her back towards the basket…watching clearly the moves her point guard Lisa intends to make. Erika is never directly involved in any drama around the basket…but she has the position to see it all, and she’s always there to pick off any rebounds or casualties that Lisa leaves in her way.

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In the center of all the dog drama is Teddi Mellencamp. Newly acquired to the Beverly Hills franchise in season eight, she got along great with her point guard Lisa…mostly over their common love for horse riding. But at the beginning of season nine, LVP tries to make a BIG powerplay against Dorit with Teddi at the middle of it.. Lisa takes the 3-point shot with the initial mention of Dorit dumping the dog off at the shelter and tells Teddi to swoop in and pick off the game winning rebound for her by asking about the dog on camera. Teddi is about to jump for it but realizes Lisa’s shot was a complete SET UP! At the expense of exposing herself, Teddi comes forward with LVP’s shady game plan and shocks the Beverly Hills team to the core. Everyone on the court is left looking at LVP who just ran back into the locker room to look over her game notes with Ken.

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Honourable mentions go to Lisa Rinna playing as the coach, because Rinna pretty much saw this LVP play coming. She knew what kind of player Lisa Vaderpump from experience, and spends most of the episodes telling everyone else what to look out for.

Also, Denise Richards as the referee who just wants to get along with everyone and have a good time at Camille’s birthday party.

Overall, the Beverly Hills team is a strong one, they’re just going through a rough time right now while they deal with some on/off court drama.

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RHOBH: The Final Reunion

Last night was the final reunion out of the 3 part special for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The drama was definitely present each and every time…especially with host Andy Cohen instigating most of the conflicts. Each housewife had their own turn to sort of reflect on what’s happened in the season…and by far Taylor’s experience was the craziest one.

As most people know, her husband Russell committed suicide a few weeks before the second season premiered. On the season opener, Bravo had posted a note saying that the entire season was filmed before Russell’s suicide. Throughout the season, we see Russell with Taylor, but it’s really weird because we all know he’s really dead.

When Taylor talks about her ex-husband, she’s definitely in a lot of pain, but she has gotten better. She’s definitely a stronger women…and she regrets a lot of things that happened with her and Russell. It’s such a unique story…I don’t want to say it but Bravo did get really lucky that they had all of this on tape. It definitely contributed to the ratings of the show this past season.

Anyways, she just talks about how crazy Russell really was, how abusive he was. She explains one story about being at a friends place with him, he leaves early because he doesn’t care about staying. Little do they know, he’s legit hiding in the bushes outside of the house…he never left..and when Taylor finally leaves…the couple walk her to her car- Russell jumps out and legit starts beating on everyone! How crazy is that!

Out of the 3-part reunion…I think 1 and 3 were the one’s with the most drama. Towards the end of the 3rd we finally get to see Kim, whose definitely looking much healthier. She’s out of rehab or she was in rehab…not sure but Andy has a private conversation with her…and then Kyle shows up.

Definitely something to see!

xo

RHOBH: Even Malibu Couldn’t Save Us

O-M-G…I don’t want to say it but this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is getting more heated than the housewives in Jersey! I never thought this day would come…but then again I never expected Taylor to fall a part the way she has throughout this season. Seriously, every single episode she’s either crying…or she’s cussing someone out…or usually both. This episode was no different.

Brandi with the broken leg has been trying to ‘fit in’ with the housewives since Episode 1 of this season…and clearly her leg has been keeping her back. Whatever she does, it doesn’t work, she just makes things worse for herself. Like when she was invited to Dana’s game night…and she accused Kim of using ‘crystal meth’…umm okay. And this week, when she finally decides to throw a house party and give back to the women that gave her a name- instead of just being Eddie Cibrian’s ex-wife. She throws a house party…except she just moved so her house isn’t ready…so she uses her friend’s house in Malibu. She doesn’t cook…she definitely doesn’t clean…seriously who uses someone else’s house to throw a house party!! What kind of housewife are you!

Okay, so tensions are high right now because of what Camille said to Taylor a few weeks ago at Lisa’s house. Camille basically told Taylor to be honest with herself, and admit to herself all the bad things Russell has done to her. Obviously, Taylor got crazy mad at Camille for saying that- but it doesn’t make sense because Taylor was the one who told Camille all those things in the first place. And it wasn’t like Camille was going to the tabloids with that information…they were having a private conversation.

Last week was Adrienne’s fashion show…Taylor ignored Camille the entire time…and basically left everything to be resolved this week. The women arrive at the Malibu digs…and oh my was it a view! Wine and seafood…and an oceanview? Seriously ladies how could you mess that up! Brandi is just weird, I don’t trust her, I haven’t trusted her since day 1…first of all wear a bra. The ladies were having fun with her all night because she wasn’t wearing one…and you could see everything through her white dress. (Dumbass) Then, Brandi brings up Kyle’s sexy husband Mauricio…except Kyle was really quiet about their marriage. You could tell Brandi was jealous that Kyle’s been married for so long and has such a stable relationship with the hottest man. Kyle just keeps things to herself…and gets feisty when women like Brandi talk about her husband. (We know what you were thinking Brandi-Broken-Leg)

So towards the end of the night…and clearly after a few glasses of wine…Taylor starts crying because Didi (Camille’s friend) sparked up a conversation about Taylor forgiving Camille. Taylor steps out onto the beautiful backyard deck facing the ocean…and then Brody Jenner’s mom(yes she was present) goes on to say once they’re done fighting…and no longer there…the ocean will always remain the same. LOL! What? Where did you even come from…and are you on crystal meth? Taylor starts balling…and it’s obvious at this point she’s not even crying about Camille…there are bigger things Taylor’s depressed about. Camille is not even involved in the argument…it’s more Didi then anyone else. She is yelling at Taylor because Taylor won’t realize how good of a friend Camille is to her. (Didi you’re extra, so leave) Then…as if it’s even her house…Brandi realizes the attention is no longer on her…and kicks Taylor out!! She said Taylor was ruining the party…and causing drama…and she was no longer allowed to stay in her friends’ home. Taylor leaves…along with everyone else…you just committed social suicide Brandi…seriously just give up.

Kyle and Taylor end up leaving together, Taylor breaks down in the limo and demands a cigg. Kyle tries to make Taylor feel better, but it obviously doesn’t work because Taylor is one ****** up housewife! Girl needs some serious help!

Brandi breaks down inside her friend’s Malibu home…and admits all she ever wanted was to be accepted and fit in…her friend gives some amazing advice…and tells Brandi to just be herself.

Sorry friend who owns the Malibu home…we never got your name.

xo